


Hook, Line, And...

by keroseneKeeper (KazeKimizu)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-12-31
Updated: 2012-01-06
Packaged: 2017-10-28 13:55:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/308561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KazeKimizu/pseuds/keroseneKeeper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is KARKAT VANTAS, and you keep MESSING EVERYTHING UP. When Sollux messaged you for redrom advice, this was ABSOLUTELY NOT the way to handle it. Good job, nooksniffer. Score one for the team.</p><p>Now, HOW WILL YOU FIX THIS?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Open Mouth

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first crack at Homestuck fanfiction. Sorry it isn't terribly long. Also, I'm terrible at writing Author Notes! Hooray! I hope you enjoy this anyway. I would love to hear some feedback as I get the chapters out. Thanks for stopping by.

You are now KARKAT VANTAS, and you are PISSED.

This is not unusual for you, by any means. But the fact remains: you are not happy, and people need to leave you the FUCK alone about it.

Of course, they won't. They never fucking do. You could lock yourself in a steel-plated box-like apparatus in stupid human-fucking-ANTARCTICA and they would still find you. You are the leader, and it somehow became your fucking job to listen to your teammates bitch and moan about each other or some shit like that. You don't know. You don't care.

Unless it comes to redrom or blackrom, and then you're a fucking fountain of festering knowledge spewing fetid fecal matter and advice from every orifice.

They should hang a sign on your door. "Karkat Vantas: The Romance ~~Douchebag~~ Doctor."

You're a fucking prodigy.

But that doesn't mean shit right now, because you are still PISSED. This has not stopped being a thing.

You have just finished a discussion with SOLLUX CAPTOR. Oh, wait, THOLLUX CAPTOR. Stupid Sollux and his stupid lisp.

 **twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]**

TA: hey kk.  
CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT, FUCKASS.  
TA: what make2 you thiink ii want 2omethiing  
CG: BECAUSE I AM TRYING TO GET SHIT DONE, AND HAVE YET TO BE INTERRUPTED.  
CG: BY ALL MEANS, INTERRUPT AND RUIN FUCKING EVERYTHING.  
TA: well iif you iin2iist kk.  
TA: so ii need 2ome adviice.  
CG: BIG FUCKING SURPRISE.  
CG: BLACK OR RED?  
TA: waiit what.  
CG: BLACKROM OR REDROM?  
CG: THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE FUCKING ASKING ABOUT, ISN'T IT?  
TA: 2ort of.  
TA: well ye2.  
CG: SO BLACKROM OR REDROM? HURRY UP, FUCKASS. I DON'T HAVE ALL FUCKING DAY.  
TA: jegu2 kk, you dont have two be 2uch an a22 about iit.  
TA: redrom, iif you mu2t know.  
CG: HEY.  
CG: WHO'S THE FUCKING NOOKSNIFFER WHO CAME TO ME FOR ADVICE?  
CG: SO IT'S REDROM. FINE. WHAT'S THE FUCKING ISSUE?  
TA: 2o ii wa2 talkiing two aa ye2terday.  
TA: and iit occurred two me that 2he miight be a liittle flu2hed for me  
CG: WHAT? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT?  
TA: well 2he 2aid that 2he felt 2orry for me...  
TA: and that 2he wii2hed that we had more tiime two talk.  
TA: you know, wiithout all the chao2.  
CG: AND HOW DID THAT MAKE YOU FUCKING FEEL? SERIOUSLY, LET IT OUT. I CARE EVER SO FUCKING MUCH.  
TA: 2eriiou2ly kk, try not two be 2uch a 2tupiid a22 for fiive miinute2.  
TA: oh waiit, that2 iimpo22iible for you ii2nt iit?  
CG: THAT WAS SO FUNNY I FORGOT TO LAUGH.  
TA: anyway, ii thiink ii miight be...  
TA: well, ii miight be a liittle flu2hed for her two.  
CG: WHAT.  
TA: 2he ju2t ha2 2o much pre22ure and ii thiink ii can relate two that.  
CG: OKAY, SO YOU THINK YOU MIGHT BE FLUSHED FOR SOMEONE THAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE A ROBOT FROG FUCKTARD.  
CG: THAT SOUNDS LIKE IT CAN ONLY END WELL.  
TA: 2hut up kk iim 2eriiou2.  
TA: ii thiink thii2 could really work for u2  
CG: WELL WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME?  
TA: ii dont know...  
TA: 2upport?  
CG: SUPPORT. YOU WANT ME TO FUCKING GIVE YOU MY UNHOLY BLESSING?  
CG: FINE. WE CAN PLAY THAT GAME.  
CG: I, KARKAT VANTAS, OF SOUND MIND AND FUCKING AGITATION  
CG: HEREBY SPEW MY SHIT STAINED BLESSINGS ALL OVER SOLLUX  
CG: SO THAT HE CAN STOP BEING A FUCKING DUMBASS  
CG: AND I CAN GO BACK TO WORK.  
TA: ...  
TA: youre 2uch an a22hole kk.  
CG: TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE.

 **twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]**

CG: FUCK.

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS, and you have just pissed off the person you've been flushed for over the past few weeks. Not only that, but you gave him your fucking blessing to fill that quadrant with someone else. A very spooky someone else. God fucking damn it.

What will you do?

 **== >**


	2. Insert Foot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment in which Karkat continues to make a complete ass of himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the second chapter of Hook, Line, And...!
> 
> I've got the next several chapters planned out, but there's no telling when they'll actually get written. I am a procrastinator. It is me.
> 
> Regardless, I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and look forward to the next one!

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS, and you are a SHIT-EATING GRUBFUCK.

If this were one of your shitty redrom movies, it would probably be titled, " _The Moment In Time That Should Never Have Happened Because A Stupid Fucking Shit-Fuck Decided To Screw Up The Only Good Thing He Had, With Seemingly No Way Of Repairing A Damaged Relationship_."

It would be so fucking terrible that they wouldn't even make a sequel.

You decide to open up Trollian and try to message Sollux.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

CG: HEY SHITHEAD.  
CG: ARE YOU THERE?  
CG: SOLLUX. FUCKING ANSWER ME.  
CG: HEY.  
CG: I'M TALKING TO YOU.  
CG: DON'T BE SUCH A FUCKING WRIGGLER.  
CG: LOOK, YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY AVOIDING ME.  
CG: BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BEAR TO BE SEEN SPEAKING WITH SUCH AN IDIOTIC SHIT STAIN.  
CG: HEY, LOOK, THERE'S KARKAT!  
CG: HE'S THE DUMBEST FUCKING ASSHOLE TO EVER DISGRACE THE PLANET WITH HIS NUBBY FUCKING HORNS  
CG: EVEN A GRUBLOAF WOULD RUN THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM  
CG: TRAILS OF GRUBSAUCE TRAILING IN ITS WAKE.  
CG: EVERYONE KNOWS THAT KARKAT VANTAS IS THE LOWEST FUCKING SCUM  
CG: NOT EVEN WORTH SCRAPING OFF THE BOTTOM OF YOUR FUCKING SHOES.  
CG: FUCK.  
CG: ARE YOU EVEN THERE.  
CG: SOLLUX. FUCKING SAY SOMETHING.  
CG: GOD DAMN IT.  
CG: FUCK IT.  
CG: JUST IGNORE THIS GOD DAMNED WASTE OF SPACE.  
CG: IT’S NOT LIKE I ACTUALLY CARE OR ANYTHING.  
TA: jegu2 kk, chiill the fuck out  
TA: ii wa2 iin the ablutiion block  
CG: I FUCKING KNEW THAT.  
TA: 2ure kk  
TA: whatever you 2ay

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS, and you feel like a complete fucking moron. Initiate FACEPALM x2 COMBO. Bet you can't even do that, you stupid dumbfuck.

Don’t leave him hanging. Get back in there and make a bigger fool of yourself.

CG:  ANYWAY. I JUST WANTED TO SAY  
CG: WHAT A RELIEF IT IS  
TA: what are you talkiing about kk  
CG: SHUT UP AND LET ME FINISH.  
TA: fiine whatever you 2ay  
CG: AS I WAS SAYING  
CG: IT IS A RELIEF TO ME THAT YOU FINALLY FOUND SOMEONE  
CG: TO FILL THE FLUSHED QUADRANT WITH.  
CG: WE WOULDN’T WANT YOU TO BE STUCK WITHOUT A MATESPRIT WHEN THE DRONES COME.  
TA:  riight  
CG: NO, REALLY.  
CG: ONLY A MORON WOULDN’T HAVE SOMEONE TO FILL HIS QUADRANTS WITH AT THIS TENDER YOUNG AGE  
TA: that2 the general con2en2u2 from what ii can tell  
CG: RIGHT. SO GO FOR IT. AND LET ME KNOW HOW IT GOES.  
TA: kk do you really care thii2 much about my quadrant2  
TA: or are you ju2t pii22iing me off for no rea2on  
CG: NO REALLY, I CARE SO FUCKING MUCH.  
CG: WHAT DO YOU THINK, ASSHOLE?  
TA: ii thiink your ju2t jealou2 kk  
TA: becau2e you dont have anyone two fiill that quadrant wiith

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

CG: AGAIN? REALLY?  
CG: FUCK.

You slither away from your husktop with your proverbial tail between your fucking legs.  
Now you’ve made an absolute idiot of yourself. What else is new?  
What will you fucking do?

==>


End file.
